


A Rational Irrationality

by RunWithWolves



Series: 30 Days of Cupcake [14]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, actress carmilla, fake dating au ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-29
Updated: 2016-09-29
Packaged: 2018-08-18 14:27:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8165161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RunWithWolves/pseuds/RunWithWolves
Summary: When the tabloids report that actress Carmilla Karnstein has started dating her ex, Elle, again, Carmilla's best friend Laura Hollis has a perfectly rational reaction. She starts by storming into Carmilla's dressing room and stress eating all of her cookies. 
As 'the best friend rules' state, if anyone is going to be fake-dating Carmilla, her best friend has first dibs.





	

**Author's Note:**

> my brain is dead from yesterday's monster of a story

There were not many people who could just burst through the door of mega-star Carmilla Karnstein’s dressing room door. That had never stopped Laura Hollis.

She slammed open the door after only the briefest check to ensure that the star on the door did, actually, say ‘Carmilla’. She still owed Matska Belmonde an undefined favour from bursting into her dressing.

Unsurprisingly, Carmilla was napping on her couch. She yelped when Laura smashed the door open and jolted upright, only relaxing when her eyes landed on Laura. Sinking back into the couch, the actress covered her eyes with her arm, “Still killing me, Hollis.”

“Don’t be such a drama queen,” Laura said.

She could just make out Carmilla’s smirk under her arm, “That’s the job, cutie. Why are you so huffy today? Xena still hasn’t asked you out? Betty scooped you again?”

“I’m not huffy.” Laura said, fighting to hold in the huff bubbling in her chest, “I’m beyond huffy. You don’t get to cutie me, Carmilla. Not today.”

Laura took a breath. She could rational about this. Totally and completely rational.

If anything, Carmilla slouched further into the couch and Laura had the sneaking suspicion that Carmilla knew exactly why Laura was angry. Still, her tone gave nothing away, “Ah. So we’re on a righteous crusade today about something I did. Should I say I’m sorry preemptively or would you like to talk first?”

“Don’t be an ass,” Laura shoved Carmilla’s legs off the end of the couch, careful not to touch the smooth skin, and dropped her oversized backpack in their place. She unzipped it and started rummaging through, ignoring Carmilla’s smirk at the bag. After nearly twenty years of that smirk, she’d learned to ignore it. Mostly. I didn’t help that the face behind the smirk was so infuriatingly gorgeous.

She’d first labelled Carmilla’s face as gorgeous when Carmilla had giggled at Laura’s Doctor Who backpack in kindergarten. Now she was twenty-three, had a new Doctor Who backpack, knew that Carmilla secretly loved Doctor Who, and still couldn’t find a better world for Carmilla’s face than beautiful. 

Ignoring the hitch in her chest, Laura yanked a newspaper from the over-stuffed bag and dropped it on Carmilla’s chest. 

“What the frilly hell is that?” she asked. Not quite as rational as she’d been hoping.

Carmilla glanced down without sitting up, “It appears to be a trashy tabloid.” She leaned her head back on the couch, “If this is going to be another rant on the decline of journalism then I’m going to need some sustenance first. They’ve had us doing stunts all day.”

Laura ground her teeth in frustration, “Not the paper, Carm. I’m talking about what’s in it!”

Carmilla raised an eyebrow and shrugged, “You know I don’t read those. I only read the actual newspaper when you’ve got something running and you expect me to read that trash for fun?”

A laminated clipping of Laura’s first big article was pinned to the wall of the dressing room. A few extra boxes of cookies that Carmilla demanded from catering were lined up below it.

“Well, I certainly expected you to tell me things before i have to read them!” Laura said. She stomach over to the cookies, ripped a box open, and shoved three in her mouth.

With the cookies filling her mouth and Carmilla in the room with that article, it was like the energy had suddenly sapped from her system. Laura slumped against the wall and mumbled around the cookies, “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me, Carm. I thought we were best friends.”

The word friend sat heavy in her mouth.

It didn’t have time to dwell because Carmilla was up and at her side before she could find the next word. “Laura. You’re the only one that I tell literally anything too.” She touched Laura’s arm softly then yanked away to quickly flip through the paper, “What could possibly be in here that’s a surprise to you? You know all of my secrets”

“You didn’t tell me about Bagheera,” Laura pointed out.

Carmilla sighed, still slipping pages, “We were eleven. I was embarrassed about still sleeping with a stuffed animal. Unless they’re about to reveal my stuff animal preferences in here, it hardly seems relevant.”

“Don’t act like it’s in the past,” Laura couldn’t help but tease, “I know he’s in your overnight bag.”

Carmilla rolled her eyes, “Only because someone,” she eyed Laura, “insisted that I’d get lonely otherwise.”

“I don’t like seeing you sad on those video chats because you’re lonely.”

“You could come with me,” Carmilla said quickly.

Laura grimaced, “Not all of us can afford Hawaii, Carm.”

“If you’d just let me pay.” Carmilla muttered and Laura shot her a look at the old argument. Carmilla held the paper back out to her, “Are you going to tell me what secret I have that’s apparently got you upset or are you just going to tell me.”

Laura bit her lip and grabbed the paper, shuffling to page 11 as though she hadn’t spent hours staring at it. Staring at the photo. Elle and Carmilla. Holding hands. Again. She held it out to Carmilla, “It says you’re dating Elle again.”

She waited for Carmilla to deny it. A stutter in her chest and shiver in her hands.”

“Crap.” Carmilla said instead, “This wasn’t supposed to break until next week.”

Her heart dropped.”So you are dating her again,” Laura said. She took a small step backward.

“Yes. No.” Carmilla’s head sprang up with her eyes wide, the paper falling to her side, “Not really.”

“Those are three very different answers,” Laura crossed her arms and gave Carmilla her best reporter glare. Carmilla had dated Elle for nearly two years and it had been nothing but brutal to watch. “Because you told me,” laura said, “that if you ever started dating Elle again then I supposed to hit you upside the head.”

It was Carmilla’s turn to slump against the wall, “I haven’t dated anyone for a while and my mother’s been on my case again, lining up all of these male celebrities for me. You know how she is.”

The frown vanished off of Laura’s face, “Do you need me to yell at her again?”

Maybe with a powerpoint this time.

“No. I don’t think any of us would survive that,” Carmilla said but there was a small smile on her lips, “I just, wanted to get her off my case so I needed to date someone. Elle and I are kind of friends now. It was believable that I’d be interested in Elle again so she agreed to fake date me.”

“FAKE DATE YOU!” Laura shouted, “You are not seriously telling me that you’re fake dating Elle? That makes no sense!”

“Um,” Carmilla squinted, “No?”

Laura gave her a look and stuffed two more cookies in her mouth, stress chewing.

Carmilla ran a hand through her hair, “Well who was I supposed to ask? It’s not like a string of one-night stands would impress my mother and it had to be someone believable. Elle already knows me.”

Laura took a deep breath through her nose and swallowed the cookies. Hard. 

Don’t say it. Don’t say it.

“You ask me!” She said it. So much for being rational about this

Carmilla’s jaw dropped.

“Elle knows you? Sure,” Laura snorted, “Carmilla, you were barely even yourself with her. It was all celebrity Carmilla and famous Carmilla and I am going pretend to love fashion shows to date my model girlfriend Carmilla.” She lowered her voice, “You were vegan for a year. Vegan. Which is fine. But you would inhale cheeseburgers the occasional time we hung out without her so I don’t think that was something you really wanted to do.”

Carmilla was just staring at her. Laura started pacing, her hands flailing as the words poured out.

“And I mean really, Carm. Who knows you better than me? History? You’ve got it with me. Sure. You never actually dated me but we could totally spin that friends with unrequited feelings spiel that I bet the press would just eat up and then you could tell you mother to go get eaten by a sarlaac.” Laura spun on her heel, “We are best friends! Best friends. That means that I get all first rights to fake dating privileges. That’s the rule. Made by the fanfiction gods or something and then you pick Elle? They’re offended.”

When she turned back around, Carmilla was smiling at her. “Well, I apologize for offending the fanfiction gods.”

“Well you should be,” Laura said.

Carmilla practically prowled as she walked towards Laura, her voice dropping, “Should I be apologizing to anyone else?”

Laura avoided her gaze, “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Well,” Carmilla said, “I’m a tad concerned with all the huffing this tiny reporter I know is doing, almost as though she’s angry.”

“Only on behalf of the fanfiction gods,” Laura said.

Carmilla gave her a look. It was hard to think properly when everything smelled like old books and vanilla. 

“Okay fine.” Laura caved, “Come on Carm. Elle? We never even saw each other anymore when you dated her.”

Carmilla winced but shook her head, “Won’t happen.It’s fake dating. It’s a little different, cupcake. Just for appearances. I promise.”

“But what if you fall for her again?” the whisper slipped out before Laura could stop it.

“Won’t happen.” Carmilla said it like it was the easiest thing in the world.

Laura rolled her eyes, “She’s a model. Literally exactly your type with those legs and the blonde hair.”

“That’s not my type.” Carmilla actually laughed at her. It died when she noticed Laura glaring at her. “Laura. I’m not going to fall for her. I promise. I’ve got my eye elsewhere.”

“What? Who?” Laura asked.

Carmila winked and her stomach flipped, “Now. Now cupcake. I’ve got to keep my air of mystery somehow. Apparently we could use one or two secrets between us.”

Laura pouted. 

Carmilla just shoved a cookie in Laura’s mouth, “Not today.”

“But I thought best friends told each other everything,” Laura mumbled around the crumbs.

For a moment, it almost looked like Carmilla’s face fell before she wiped the crumbs off of Laura’s face with her thumb. “You’ll have to trust me on this one. Besides,” her breath tickled Laura’s face, “If you wanted to date me that badly, you could have just asked.”

Carmilla winked.

“The whole world wants to date you,” Laura said with a bravado that she hoped didn’t betray the tingle in her lips from where Carmilla touched them. “Someone has to keep you humble. Besides, I’m still mad that you picked Elle over me,” she said, “I hope you realize that you’re subjecting us both to her for months on end.”

“Well, we’ll just have to band together and get through it,” Carmilla said, “Strength in numbers and all that.” she batted her eyelashes, “you wouldn’t make me deal with my new fake girlfriend alone, would you cupcake?”

Laura sighed and put her face in her hands, resigning herself to her doom. “A reminder that this all could have been avoided if you’d chosen your fake dates more appropriately.

“I’ll be sure to date you next time,” Carmilla said absently. Laura’s head shot up as Carmilla walked over to the couch, paused, sighed, and slung Laura’s Doctor Who backpack over her shoulder.

“What are you doing?” She asked, trying to force herself past Carmilla’s last sentence. She was getting over Carmilla. She really was. Definitely no squishy feelings. Okay. Minimal squishy feelings. 

She definitely wasn’t plotting to show-up Elle with how much better of a fake date she could be. Nope. Because that was not the rational actions of a girl with no squishy feelings. 

Elle probably didn’t even know about Carmilla’s love of Doctor Who.

Carmilla held the dressing room door open for her, “My best friend is mad at me for not fake dating her. So intend to buy an ice cream cake. Thought you might want to join.”

“A whole ice cream cake?” Laura asked.

“The big kind with the fudge in the mid-.”

Laura grabbed Carmilla’s hand and yanked her out the door, pulling the now chuckling Carmilla behind her. Neither girl commented as their fingers slotted together. 

After all, Carmilla wasn’t officially fake dating anyone quite yet.

**Author's Note:**

> I AM NOW TAKING REQUESTS! There's 30 days of this and it's as much about you as it is about me. So I've allotted a week to whatever your crazy little minds want to watch me try and produce. Weird headcannons. Angst. Fluff buckets. You can drop it all here or on [tumblr](http://ariabauer.tumblr.com/). I start monday so GET THEM IN BY SATURDAY
> 
> This is the fourteenth story of '30 Days of Cupcake' where I'll be posting a unique Carmilla fanfic every weekday for 30 days. Stay stupendous. Aria.


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